My Top 5 Breakup Movies

Something I realized recently, I'm a bit of a sadist (not in a gross way, eww). Sitting with my friends I bug them about their breakup stories: what happened, how serious was it, how did you survive, how long did it take to get over them (this is the most important question). Seeing all these normal, well-adjusted, happy people talk about their breakups (without even a hint of regret) gives me hope.

But wouldn’t you know it, I’ve hit a new peak in the breakup curve. I can’t bear to talk about it anymore. I can’t stand to hear his name or see our mutual friends. I would rather sit in silence rather than to try to understand what happened or how I’m feeling.

This week the weather forecast calls for rain, rain and more rain. What better time than now to get in my pjs, pull out some of my favourite films and wallow in my misery. Maybe next week I’ll be in the mood to watch Love, Actually or Roman Holiday but this week I choose breakup movies. Bring on the tissues and Ben & Jerry’s.

1. (500) Days of Summer

Tom: What happens if you fall in love?

Summer: Well, you don't believe that, do you?

Tom: It's love. It's not Santa Claus.

This is not your formulaic romantic comedy. Tom meets Summer. Tom falls in love. Summer does not. As the narrator says in the beginning of the story, this is not a love story. The two characters become closer and closer, with Summer consistently rejecting the idea of a commitment, until the inevitable break up. Tom doesn't take this too well as he has grand ideas of love and romance. He is crushed and wonders if Summer was right all along, maybe there is no such thing as “love”. Yup. Good stuff. I am also madly in love with the soundtrack- The Smiths, Regina Spektor, Temper Tap... yes, more music to sadly weep to.

2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Joel: Is there any risk of brain damage?Howard: Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss.

Well... duh. I had to put this film on the list, right? I mean who hasn't after a breakup wished they could just erase the relationship. And if you could, would you?

3. Kill Bill vol. 1

Bill: Do you find me sadistic? You know, I bet I could fry an egg on your head right now, if I wanted to. You know, Kiddo, I'd like to believe that you're aware enough even now to know that there's nothing sadistic in my actions. Well, maybe towards those other... jokers, but not you. No Kiddo, at this moment, this is me at my most... [cocks pistol] masochistic.

The Bride: Bill... it's your baby...

[BLAM!]

It wouldn't be much of a list if I didn't add one revenge film. Kill Bill is the best for a breakup: a brutal, visceral, blood bath. The gorier the better in my opinion.

4. High Fidelity

What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

Some could say it's more of a guy's breakup film but still.... it's got sharp dialogue, Jack Black, Cuscak's soulful eyes and so much angst you can drown in it.

5. Annie Hall

After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.

Woody Allen and his neuroses are perfect companions for anyone dealing with a breakup.

Honorable mentions go to: Casablanca (of all the gin joints) and Bridget Jone's Diary (I will always have a soft spot for the needy/insecure Bridget).

Any recommendations fellow movie lovers?